It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
