So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
