Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
