the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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