This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
