I just saw a hot homeless man
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
