I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
