Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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