...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
