Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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