You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
