I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
