also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
