Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
