someone threw a dead crab at me
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
