Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
