Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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