I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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