Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
