The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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