I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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