am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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