This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
