I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
even my farts smell like vagina
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
