i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
ttyl tear gas
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
