I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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