Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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