New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
