She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
