Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize