if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
