I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
