He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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