ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
should my penis look like a turkey
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just pee around me
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
