He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
