I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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