is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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