you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
my shit smells like andre
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
