Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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