first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
