I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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