Barsexuality is the new black.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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