i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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