maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
