just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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