So drunk its hurt
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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