The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
