Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You're like the curious george of whores
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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