My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
