oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
