She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
