i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
