she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
