And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
