You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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