I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
