Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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