You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Randomize
