Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
