I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
