If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
