Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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