I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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