My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
