it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
