I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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