He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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