I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
40s are totally the cure
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
