If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
