I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
