they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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