Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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