You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
