I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
