My room smells like vodka and shame
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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