I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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